


IN THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS.

by bledstars



Series: ERROR 606 [7]
Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/M, Flashbacks, Grief, Named MC, Tragedy, painnnnnnnnn that's the main purpose of this entire series.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:40:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25623037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bledstars/pseuds/bledstars
Summary: How cruel of god to allow them to know of happiness through her eyes, her hands, her smile, and then to rip it out of their hands. How cruel of god to let them hope that they could have something good, something precious, something warm. How cruel of god to give them a home and yet feel nothing but emptiness here. To drop them back into hell, but he supposed it was better this time, at least they had each other. At least they weren’t alone in hell.
Relationships: 707 | Choi Luciel/Main Character, Choi Saeran/Main Character
Series: ERROR 606 [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1026585
Comments: 10
Kudos: 31





	IN THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS.

Saeran knew what it was like to be in hell. Under his mother’s wrath, he knew what it was like to want nothing more than to disappear, to feel abandoned by the only family he knew, to wonder if he would finally just sleep and never wake up. He imagined death so many times that it felt comforting almost, like sleeping without the pangs of hunger that would wake him up. He thought that death would be the kindest gift that god could give him. To end the suffering, to end the pain, to end the misery that he was in. 

He thought he was saved when Rika gave him a purpose, when she reached out and took him into Mint Eye. But what he didn’t realize was that she wasn’t saving him but dragging him down into another circle of hell. He could still feel taste the bitter drugs that they pumped him with. The way they made his headache, the way they made him want to puke out whatever food he was able to consume, the way that it broke him from the inside out. 

He had grown to hate his own twin. The twin that did everything possible to try to hide him from those that would want to hurt him. The twin that sold his sold to an obscure agency in hopes that one day he will be able to make a proper life for the two of them. His twin who didn’t have a choice either. They were just two unlucky bastards that were doing their best to survive. 

How could they not feel like they were abandoned by god? How could they not feel alone and trapped in a cruel world where no matter what they did, a happy ending was never in his plans.They were granted brief moments of happiness, he knew it when he recalled times with Saeyoung. When their mother was asleep and knocked out from the alcohol and they were able to enjoy some time reading together. Those brief glimpses of happiness that became their driving force. 

They began craving happiness like a drug. 

Like their mother, they were addicted to anything that would spark joy, that would show them that there as good in the world. It came in the form of mischief, in the form of finding a purpose, in the form of flowers, in the form of drugs and other vices. The wanted it, they desired it, they craved it. And so they lived their entire lives, searching for it, trying to get their next fix of happiness. 

Then it came in the form of Mina. But she filled them in ways that other things couldn’t. Saeran was not religious, he found it pointless when he was younger and it was stamped out of him in Mint Eye. He was told to worship Rika, to praise her as the savior, to lean on someone so flawed and broken as if she had all the answers. But Mina, she made him believe in angels and a higher power.

When he first met her, it was before she even entered the RFA chatroom. He was the first one to meet her. He was the first one to discover her warmth. To witness her kindness. To see her and want her. He thought selfishly if he should just steal her away from everyone, but Rika had chosen him for this important mission and in the haze of wanting to please the Savior, he listened. He wondered if he had approached her instead of dropping the phone, if she would accept him despite his scars. 

She wasn’t doing anything extraordinary. She was just sitting on the park bench, eyes shielded by a hand as she sat in the sunlight. She looked so peaceful, she looked so happy. And he felt like a villain for wanting to take her away from this. The moment she entered the chatroom, he knew that her life would no longer be as peaceful as this. He watched as she brushed her bangs away from her face and eyes closed as she let the sunbeams kiss her face. The soft smile that appeared on her lips made him stumble. It almost caused him to fail his mission. A part of him wanted her to simply ignore the phone that was left on that bench. A part of him wanted to tell her to run away. That part of him wasn’t strong enough. That part of him was cursed and shoved away into the deepest parts of his shattered mind. 

When he first heard her voice over the phone, when she like a fool trusting a stranger and entering an apartment that was rigged to kill, he felt fear for the first time. Fear for someone else and for himself. He almost broke out of Mint Eye during that week that she occupied Rika’s old apartment. He was subjected to punishment and rehabilitation. Rika could not let her greatest servant to be taken from her. She already lost too much, she told him as she stroked the top of his white hair. 

“You are the only one I have now, Saeran. We were both abandoned…I was abandoned by V…and you by your brother.. No one cares what happens to us. No one cares to see us happy. We only have each other.” She would whisper as he trembled in her arms from the drugs that overtook his body. His heart racing, his breathing sharp as he felt like every nerve in his body was firing. “Shhh..Shh..Saeran…You know that you need this..it’s your medicine…It’s the only way for us to experience happiness.”

Drink this. Eat this. Do this. He was basically a puppet to be used for her. But at least he had a reason to live. At least these drugs stopped the pain that was coursing through his body. At least RIka cared about him. He thought as he puked his guts out and trembled alone in his room. Dark circles under his eyes as he stared at the progress that was being made in the chatroom. He hated the RFA for a long time. Because they had the audacity to be happy. They had the audacity to continue living when he and Rika were merely ghosts. 

Just like Rika said, even his own brother, his twin, his other half, seemed to be thriving with his new family. With this group of people that lived in a fantasy world of happiness and goodness. He wanted to see it crumble. He wanted to see it all turn into dust. He wanted them to join him in hell. 

Especially her. To the girl that joined just recently. To the girl that was pushed into a situation that she could never imagine. To the girl that seemed too good to be true. He wondered what sort of face an angel would make when her wings are plucked and she is dragged into the underworld. What would she look like when she sees the monsters that they all had? Would she be able to smile so easily? 

He wanted to see her face look so devastated that he broke into the apartment, he was getting tired of waiting. He was too curious for his own good. He was too impatient. He didn’t care if he was punished, he wanted to see what sort of face she’d make. What sort of curses she’d yell at him. He wanted to see her be scared of him, he wanted her to be less angelic. That way she wouldn’t be such a damn distraction with his work. He wouldn’t dream of her soft smile, as she was bathed in sunlight. 

And once he sees it, he will want nothing more than to take her away. That would make them all suffer. He saw how they all wanted her, he saw how quickly they clung to her. He wanted to take away that good thing. He wanted them to realize that not even the RFA was good enough. That they too will need to be saved like he was. 

But despite his madness. Despite having the trigger for the bomb in his hand and a knife to her neck, she didn’t break. It didn’t mean that she wasn’t scared, she still trembled in his arms, stilll called out for his brother. And yet she still wasn’t angry at him, she didn’t blame him, she didn’t hate him. “See…this world is scary. You should be afraid of…” 

“You’re scared too.” She whispered quietly as she put a hand over his trembling hand as the silence between him and his twin brother felt too big. Her brown eyes, full of warmth as she touched him gently. He never felt anything like this. He never felt a warmth like this. He never felt a peace like this when she looked at him. He did not understand what she meant when she said he was scared too. What was there to be scared of? He had seen enough, done enough, willingly let hell take him, what could be afraid of? 

Her words echoed in his head after he escaped the apartment and headed back to his room. Hehid it from RIka, she just clicked her tongue and told him to leave. Muttering under her breath that she took in the wrong twin, questioning why he wasn’t as good as his older brother. Those words that would usually trigger him to work all night, to not care for the screams from his mind and body telling him to rest. But all of that was drowned out by her soft voice, comforting him with words that he never knew he needed to hear. 

“I’m scared.” Saeran whispered as curled into himself on his bed. He felt wet tears fall down his face as he clenched his bedsheets tightly. “I’m so scared.” Just like the little boy that never knew a mother’s touch. The little boy that felt cold abandonment when his brother never came back home. The little boy that sold his soul just for an ounce of happiness that came in the form of a strange liquid and a blonde woman that told him he was both worthy and unworthy of her attention. 

He looked around the renovated bunker that they had come to create for themselves. The bright colored walls that weren’t too harsh on the eyes, all chosen by her, now felt like it mocked him with how cheerful it looked. The soft rugs that felt like walking on clouds to the furniture that was all about comfort handpicked by her, but to never be used by her. It felt wrong. Blue tape on the walls that were place marks for picture frames that were now shattered on the floor below.They had created a home together, for all three of them. A warm place where they could feel safe. She had picked out things that suited all of their taste. She worked hard to try to make something special. 

But this home now felt broken. With the most important part gone, it felt empty, it felt cold. He stared at the mess of the living space, with takeout that was forced into their hands by Jaehee who told them they had to eat. To the shattered picture frames that were taken down from their place on the wall in a fit of desperation. 

The chaos, the mess, the destructive aura that surrounded the bunker felt reminiscent of their childhood home. Created to protect, created to love, created to be warm, and yet the only outcome that they could ever have is to be dragged back into hell. 

How cruel of god to allow them to know of happiness through her eyes, her hands, her smile, and then to rip it out of their hands. How cruel of god to let them hope that they could have something good, something precious, something warm. How cruel of god to give them a home and yet feel nothing but emptiness here. To drop them back into hell, but he supposed it was better this time, at least they had each other. At least they weren’t alone in hell. 

They had each other, and he was pretty sure that was the only reason why they were still breathing. He had his brother and Saeyoung had him. They had found each other after years of being separated. They had mended their broken relationship. Yet, their family no longer felt complete with just the two of them. 

Mina's accident drove them to madness when they found out what happened. She had told them that she was going to drop off her keys to her landlord. That she was going to grab the last few things in her apartment and bring it home as soon as she could. He recalled how happy that made him feel when he heard that. That she would come back to them. That she considered them home as they did with her. 

When she was putting on the bright colorful sneakers that Saeyoung got her with a customized 707 patch on the side of it, she turned around to give Saeyoung a small kiss on the lips. “Will you pick me up?” 

“It would be my pleasure.”His brother whispered lovingly as he pressed his forehead against hers. And Saeran couldn’t help but feel a certain happiness when he saw the natural and warm smile that they shared. He wondered if his brother lost his smile from all those years of being like a robot, just studying and working, as he tried his best to survive. Saeyoung finally looked like he was living his life instead of just surviving day by day. 

“Saeran.” She turned to look at the boy with a soft gaze before giving him smaller smile. “Let’s get takeout from that ramen place you like.” A quiet nod as he shoved his hands into his pockets. 

“You’ll be back soon, right?” He asked and when she gently took his hand and gave it a squeeze, he felt the anxiety in his chest clear up. That’s right. She chose them. She loved them. She wouldn’t just leave them. She would come back and they would watch a terrible movie that Saeyoung chose and eat some ramen. “I’ll make some cookies in the meantime, Mina.” 

“That sounds wonderful. Maybe…we should invite Yoosung?” She nudged with a grin and he scoffed. She was just as bad as his brother if not worse. But he couldn’t help the happiness that bloomed inside of him when she smiled at him like that. It felt good to be teased like this. It made him feel more normal. It reminded him that he was allowed to be happy. That he too could have the family he always wanted. That this home they created for themselves was their reality. “I’ll see you soon.” 

And as they were on their way to pick her up. The radio stating the emergency and the words caused Saeyoung to accelerate. driving faster than he needed. “That’s…Mina’s building…” He could hear his heartbeat race as the sped through the streets. This had to be a mistake. This couldn’t be happening. They were just with her a few hours ago.But when he saw the lights and sirens of the emergency personal, his heart dropped. When he saw the burning building, he couldn’t breathe.They both tired to hold it in, they both tried to stay strong, but it all seemed too cruel. They jumped out of the car and watched the chaos that was going around them. Screams, and reporters trying to get the story of the tragedy that occurred. An apartment that blew up from the inside. They are trying to find out if it was an accident or an attack. How many victims are there? How many casualties? How many deceased? The sounds were getting to be overwhelming but he pushed through. Mina…Mina was in danger. Mina…could be in trouble. Mina might be dead. 

He sharply shook his head. He couldn’t allow himself to fall into that dark pit. She had left with a smile. She was going to finally move in. And in a few days, his brother planned on proposing to her. They were going to officially be a family together. It couldn’t just end like this. 

Saeyoung was the one that snapped first. A panic that settled in his brother’s face as eyes widened and he screamed out her name. “Mina!” His voice sounded so raw, so desperate, so full of pain that Saeran couldn’t help but wince. He had never heard his brother’s voice sound like that. He could hear the cracks and shattered pieces of his brother’s heart in the way he screamed out her name. Saeyoung frantically tried to get through the police barrier. “My girlfriend…! No…my fiancé she lives here! Please! Please let me in! I have to…” 

“Sir. We cannot. We will let you know when we get an idea of how many victims…” 

“No..No..No she can’t be dead. I just need to get to the injured I just need to get to the…Give me the CCTV logs. Give me…She’s not a victim…She’s not dead!” He screamed and tried his best to push through. Watching as people were being carted away, some with burns and injuries so bad that they were unrecognizable. Others being carted away with sheets over their bodies. “Mina!” He screamed. 

“Saeyoung!” Saeran’s voice broke as he grabbed hold of his brother’s arms and held him back. His brother was an agent, if pushed far enough he could hurt someone. If his brother was behind bars, if his brother got in trouble, then Saeran would truly be alone again. And he couldn't lose his brother again. He couldn’t lose everything all in one day. “Saeyoung! Get your head together! Attacking him won’t do anything!” 

“Saeran….Saeran..This isn’t happening right? Mina…Mina…isn’t….” As Saeran held his brother, he felt like his world was ending. The way his brother looked, manic and shattered. Despite everything that had happened to him, despite everything that he had to endure, he had never seen such a broken expression on his brother’s face. Saeyoung was always so strong. 

Saeyoung was always the stronger twin. The one that took on the world and didn’t complain when it hurt him. The one that kept fighting. The one that worked harder than anyone he ever knew. When he was still under Mint Eye’s influence, he tried to see this side of his brother, to see the more human, more damaged parts that he knew lurked under the surface. But he never could imagine how painful it would be. 

He could never imagine this. The way his brother’s normally bright golden eyes was full of fear, full of pain. It made him sick to see his strong brother crumbling before him. If Saeyoung was like this, how was he supposed to keep it together. If Saeyoung looked ready to jump into the flames to join her, how was he supposed to go on. His grip around his brother weakened as he thought of how easily his world was taken from him. How he could easily slip into becoming Unknown again. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly as he held his brother. He couldn’t let himself fall into despair again. His brother needed him. His brother was clinging to him like he was a lifeline. He needed to be there for his brother .He had to be the stronger twin that would be able to protect his other half. 

~

“Hello Saeran. I’m back.” Her soft voice as she fixed the flowers she brought and put it in the vase next to his hospital bed. She had come again. She had come back to him despite all the horrible words he screamed at both her and his brother. She came back every day and sat next to him for an hour. Sometimes he ignored her, sometimes he said things that he would later regret in the evening. But she always came back. 

“Are you a masochist? Why do you keep coming back here?” He hissed as he turned his face away from her and tried not to notice that she pulled a chair to sit closer to him. He tried to avoid her gaze, he tried to avoid looking at her for too long. He clicked his tongue a few times before frowning and muttering“…How’s your wound?”

“My wound?” Her voice was so bright, so pure, he turned his mint eyes to turn and look at her. Her head was angled to the side, a finger placed on her chin as she thought for a moment. He couldn’t recall much of that night at Mint Eye. All he remembered was that she was covered in blood. “Oh did you think I got hurt? I mean…I was covered in a lot of blood.” 

“I didn’t…You didn’t get hurt?” 

“Oh….”Her smile dropped before she gently shook her head. “I didn’t get hurt…I was probably covered in V’s and Saeyoung’s blood. But I didn’t get hurt..You didn’t hurt me, Saeran.” 

His eyes widened as she found out what he truly wondered. If he had hurt the angel bathed in sunlight. If she was afraid of him and was just being pushed to be here. But the gentle way she looked at him, the small reassuring smile on her lips. She was so kind. She was so good. Why was she so nice to him? He had done nothing but try to make her feel the same pain as he did. All he had ever done was put her in danger. “Why would I care…” 

Dropping her hands, Mina picked up her bag and opened a small container that was had chocolate covered strawberries. “I brought us a snack. Saeyoung told me that you love sweets and it’s strawberry season.” She said before offering a strawberry towards him. He looked down and slowly reached over to grab one. 

“Why are you so nice to me?” 

“Why shouldn’t I be?” 

Because of who he was. Because of what he had done. Because of..so many reasons that he hated himself when he cried himself to sleep. If only he had been stronger, then he could have run away with his brother earlier. If only he had been smarter, then he would have realized Rika’s tricks and evil intent earlier. If only he had been better, then he would have been happy. “…Because I’m weak.” His voice was quiet, barely over a whisper as he took a bite of the strawberry. The sudden sweetness overwhelming him but he continued to chew slowly. It was one of the best things he had ever had. 

“Saeran..You know you’re stronger than you think…right?” He looked up at those words and shook his head in response. “It’s true…You…you went through unimaginable pain. You endured and fought to live for so long…You are so strong, Saeran. You are not broken or damaged beyond belief. Maybe you have a few cracks, but everyone has a few of those.…but you…you’re not something that’s ruined. You are so strong…You’re like Kintsugi.”

“Kintsugi? What is that?” 

“It’s this Japanese style of art that of fixing broken pottery, things that would be normally thrown away and putting it all together with gold. As you rejoin the pieces, filling the cracks…it becomes this one of a kind beautiful piece of art. Repaired but also…reborn. And what’s great about it is that..it would be even stronger than it was before it got put together….You’re so strong, Saeran…You’ll get through this..”

Her kind words made his heart clench. How was it that she so easily said words he had longed to hear even though he didn’t know what they were to begin with. “You….Why are you saying all this…Why are you…” 

“Your brother and I…we won’t let you be alone trying to put together pieces either…So please…please don’t push Saeyoung…He’s not as strong as he tries to let others believe. Saeyoung is not as strong as he pretends to be.” She pleaded with him and put her hands on the edge of the bed. He was sure that she wanted to hold his hands but held back, worried about what her touch would do to him. “Maybe it’s because he…despite everything…despite all that he had been through..even when he’s trying to be aloof and cold…he loves so deeply. Once he loves you…he can’t see himself without you…and He…he loves you so much…and he thinks he deserves to be hated. He believes that he’s failed you…You have no idea how much he loves you. He would do anything for you…So please..don’t push him away. You’re his family…His only family…”  


“That’s not true.” 

“It is Saeran!” 

“It’s not….he has you…..you’re also his family….He was…He loves you too…you know? He was afraid for you…He was….so scared of losing you…that I wondered what would have happened to him if I took you away from him. I wondered what he would have done if his brother took away the girl he treasured so dearly. And he deserves that…he deserve to have you as his family…He deserves….He’s always wanted one…a family…” 

There was a silence before she slowly touched his pinky and took a hold of it. It was gentle, like she was approaching an injured animal, ready to run away. “I can be your family too.” Again…she surprised him with words he didn’t know he was desperate to hear. “I would like to be your family too…We could have that…A family…You…You don’t have to be alone in dealing with everything…That’s what families are for…I could stand by your side just as much as Saeyoung wants to be..We can fill in those cracks that we all have and make a family…something one of a kind and…” 

“…beautiful.” He whispered as he finally looked at her fully and saw the same angel that sat on that park bench all those months ago. The one that closed her eyes as she let the warm sunbeams kiss her face. No…she was more beautiful now that he knew her better. She wasn’t some dreamlike fairy that would disappear the moment he opened his eyes. She was real. He could touch her. He could feel her. He could be a family with her. He could mend his broken mind with her and his brother by his side. He didn’t have to feel so weak anymore. 

~

They tried to look for her. They looked through so many videos. They made simulations of where the explosion could have been. They checked the unknown injured, they checked hospital records for a Jane Doe that resembled her. They did everything to deny that she had perished in that explosion. They just had to find her. They had to remain hopeful that she was coming back home. 

“It’s been a while since I’ve seen him like that..” Vanderwood said as he looked at Saeyoung working away at a computer, the dark circles under his eyes more prominent. “I hated it then..I hate it now.” 

“Like what?” Saeran said as he ate whatever food Vanderwood had brought for them to have. His first meal all day, and once he was finished he was going to force his brother to have some dinner. His brother barely did anything but work on his computer, he barely took care of himself, and Saeran was positive that if he wasn’t here, his brother would probably be found dead from not eating and working himself to death. 

“He worked like a robot…when he first entered the agency. When he was working to get back to you.” He said with a solemn tone as he looked around the place that was filled with talks of the future and now was darkened by the pains of the past. “He was worse than a workaholic…Barely sleeping…eating only so he could live another day…working all day and night..I thought he might be trying to kill himself..punishing himself…” 

Saeran never expected to be in this position. He never expected that he would be the one that was holding his older twin brother together. He always thought that his brother was so strong. That his brother would be able to endure anything. And yet MIna’s words kept echoing in his head. _Saeyoung is not as strong as he pretends to be._

She had seen Saeyoung and loved him despite seeing the truth, or maybe it was because of the truth. She was his guardian angel in a way, protecting him, and taking care of him and now that she was gone….His brother’s own madness seemed to come up. 

Saeran jumped at the sound of the phone ringing. He saw his brother snap out of his haze of hacking and quickly pick it up. 

  
“Hello! Hello!? Yes, This is Choi Saeyoung.” He spoke so fast as he turned around to see Vanderwood and Saeran looking at him. There was a flicker of the man that he once was, someone that had a tiny bit of hope. “Yes…I am Mina’s fiance…Yes……What she was wearing that day? She was wearing some jeans…a blue blouse…She had these sneakers I got custom made for her..They had…Yes…that’s…But did it have…”And then Saeran saw it, his brother’s face dropping so quickly as he fell to his knees and held the phone to his face. “I…I….Uhmn…can…What…What do you mean…"

Saeran rushed to his brother’s side and took the phone, Vanderwood quickly held back Saeyoung desperately trying to get the phone back from his brother. “Hello? Yes, this is Choi Saeran. I’m his brother. My brother…Uhmn..he can’t seem to understand what’s going on. Can you repeat what you just said.” 

“We found out that the epicenter of the blast was a few rooms away from where Miss Mina’s apartment was at.” The officer said. “We found…a shoe near the site. It was pretty burned, but there was a clear patch on it that said…” 

“707?” Saeran felt his words catch at the back of his throat. And his vision blurred with tears. It was basically a confirmation that no matter what they did, no matter how much they wanted to see her, it was all for nothing. She was gone. Gone to the point where all they had was a stupid shoe. 

~

“Those are the ugliest things I’ve ever seen.” The array of color that seemed to have been puked on top of the high tops that were in Mina’s hand. She laughed at his monotone response, Saeyoung loudly complained that they were not ugly. “Did you really have to mark them with a 707? I mean really? What the hell Saeyoung?” 

“What? I thought they were super nice! I couldn’t choose what colors to use so I sort of thought of every color I thought suited her and well…”Scratching his cheek, Saeyoung avoided his twin’s judging gaze.  


“So you puked the rainbow on it.” 

“Saeran!” His brother whined and like a child put his arms around his twin and clung to him. “Don’t be so mean! I have a sensitive soul you know?” 

“You are giving her a burden by giving her those ugly shoes.” 

“I like them.” She said finally with a smile before putting them on and turning her feet around as she looked at the way they looked in the light. The 707 patch looked like the yellow and black stripe pattern on his brother’s glasses. “They are so unique and I’m the only one who has them in the world.”  


“Yup! One of a kind! Just like you!” The proud smile on his brother’s face made him roll his eyes but also made him smile. He looked so happy, with his golden eyes lighting up as he looked at her as she put on the other shoe. Tying the laces tightly and looking at her feet with the softest and kindest smile. Even if she thought they were ugly, she loved them. She loved that he put in the effort to get her a gift so special and unique. She loved that it was his own creative expression, she loved them because Saeyoung gave it to her. 

“You can be honest, Mina…Just say the are the ugliest shoes you have ever seen. Don’t coddle my brother…otherwise…he might get one for me on our birthday……oh god..you already started designing them haven’t you?!” 

“No!”But the deadpanned expression on his face and the amused one on hers caused Saeyoung to quickly crumble. “I’ll rethink the design, Saeran….” 

“For fuck’s sake…” 

Her joyful and bright laughter however brought them back to her and they quickly noticed the playful glint that appeared in her eyes. “You know Saeyoung…You know that they say that you shouldn’t buy girls shoes….because then she’ll run away.” 

“Take those off! I can’t have you running away from me!” He practically shrieked as she got up and ran around the empty bunker that they were painting. “Mina! Don’t run away!” Her laughter bouncing off the walls as she jumped over pieces of plastic covered furniture before getting caught in Saeyoung’s arms. “Caught you!” The warmth that filled the room, Saeran couldn’t believe he could feel so happy. That this was his life now, a life filled with laughter and jokes and a happiness that he couldn’t even dream of having. As he spun her around in his arms, he felt his own laugh leave his lips. 

“You’re gonna make her sick!” He called out to them and laughed as he shook his head and watched how silly the two of them looked. Yes, this was good. This was the family they had always dreamt of. 

“Save me, Saeran!” She reached out for him, the smile on her lips as she yelped. “Do not tickle me! That is unfair Saeyoung!”

This was what life was about. About the happy moments. The silly moments that they can laugh about later on in the future. This was what life was about. Living and being around people that loved you. Of being truly happy because they had found each other. A love that overwhelmed and covered them to protect them from the pain of the world. This was what he, Saeyoung, and Mina had together. 

~

They were so happy. They were so happy. They were so god damn happy! He wanted to scream and curse out whatever deity that thought this was fair. Saeran wanted to pull at his hair and just let himself be sad and mourn and be angry and…He wanted to find a way to get the Mint Eye drug again so he could numb this pain. So he didn’t feel like he was dying. He didn’t want to feel these overwhelming emotions that made him want to scream and scream and scream. But he couldn’t.

He couldn’t because his brother needed him. His brother who looked like a shell of the person he used to be. His brother who would barely leave the bed. Who cried every night as the funeral day came closer and closer. When it was daytime, he would find his brother staring at photos of her, videos that he shot, of the few memories that he was able to capture and save. It was torture to hear a recording of her voice that would never be like what she really sounded like. But it was all they had left. His brother that put the engagement ring he got for her on his pinky and held it as he tried to sleep the rest of the day away. The brother that screamed into a pillow when he realized her scent was now gone from her pillow. When he desperately tried to cling to it but that too would go away. 

He had to watch his brother look so broken, so shattered, so beyond repair that he didn’t know what to do but sit next to him. To angrily clench his hands and cry next to him. He had never seen his brother be so weak, be someone he could barely recognize. They say it’s better to have loved and lost than to never love at all. But Saeran called bullshit on that. Not when he saw the amount of pain his brother was in. Not when he felt the hollowness without her in his life anymore. They were given a taste of true happiness and then it was stolen away from them.

If they never knew her. If they never fell in love with her. If she was just a stranger, they wouldn’t be together but at least they wouldn’t be in this much pain. If she was just some unknown figure in the crowd, maybe she would have lived. If she never knew them, they wouldn’t feel a pain so deep that it felt like it would never end. 

But they did find her. They got to know her. They fell in love with her. They lost her. 

Her laughter that would ring like bells, so bright, so pure, no longer could be heard. Her smile that made it seem like the world was better than what they were let to believe, gone. And the most maddening thing about all of this was the memories, the hopes, the dreams that were now nothing more than a mockery of what they had. There were echos of her everywhere and he felt like he was going to go crazy because that was all they were. Echos. Invisible traces of someone precious that was no longer with them.

~

“Saeran….”

“Yeah, Saeyoung?” He looked at his brother whose golden eyes looked empty as he stared at himself in the mirror. They were both wearing black tuxes, it was finally the day where they would say their last goodbye. Their hearts heavy and their souls weak. But she deserved this. They were thankful to Jaehee who was able to get past the grief and put it together for her. Their last gift to Mina. 

“Do you think she was in pain?” His voice broke, but it seemed as though his older twin had run out of tears to cry. “We don’t know…” 

“I pray that she wasn’t.” 

“Yeah…If she was close enough…It would have been instant….right?” 

“I wouldn’t want her to be in pain…..” Saeran said and felt his own words choke his next breath. How afraid was she when she saw the flames? Was it sudden or did she have to suffer? Did she call out to them? Did she beg to be saved? He didn’t want to imagine her beautiful brown eyes wide with fear as she saw her life flash before eyes. Shutting his eyes tightly, he inhaled sharply through his teeth. “I want to…I want to remember her being happy…and not in pain….I don’t think…” 

“Yeah…Yeah….I don’t think…I…”Saeyoung’s shoulders trembled before dry sobs left him, hyperventilating as he covered his mouth and felt each dry heaving sob painfully leave his body. “This wasn’t supposed to happen.” He choked out and Saeran quickly wrapped his arms around his brother and let him cry into his shoulder. “She should have never gotten….why her?!” His hands clenched his suit tightly and Saeran could feel the pain that his twin must have been going through.

Wait. That’s not true. There was no one that could possibly understand what Saeyoung was going through. Despite loving her, despite calling her his family, even Saeran couldn’t completely understand. He was the closest, but no one could ever truly feel what his older brother was feeling.

For someone so strong, for someone who had survived so much, for someone who had been knocked down and gotten back up time and time again. This must have been the final straw. The final push. Patting his brother’s back, his mint eyes filling with tears as he cried for her. Cried for his brother and the shattered pieces that have yet to be put back together again. Cried for the future that would never be. Cried for the happiness that they thought they could have. “She’s…waiting for us…to say goodbye..” 

“I don’t have the strength to do that. I don’t…I don’t want to say goodbye…saying goodbye means…Saeran….It means she’s gone for good…I don’t think…I can’t do that…” 

“She deserves a farewell…We can’t be selfish….She…she’s waiting to be free…and it’s unfair for us to keep holding onto her like this. It’s not….We have to do this for her.” He whispered quietly as he felt his own resolve shake. If they never went, they could pretend that she was just late in coming home. They could pretend that she wasn’t gone forever. They could pretend that she…

But it wasn’t true.They were too smart for their own good, they could only pretend for so long before the overwhelming grief took over again. They needed to say goodbye, for her, for their own sanity, to try to live the rest of their lives without her. They would never get past this. They would never shake off the feeling of something missing in their lives. They would never forget her. They would never stop loving her.

He leaned against Yoosungs’s shoulder as he listened to the sermon. He held his brother’s hand tightly when they were told to finally say their last goodbyes, each of them holding something that would be buried instead of her body. Her parents, her friends, her classmates, she had so many that she loved and cared for. There were even a few people that attended her the RFA parties, all affected by her. So many people she touched with her light and goodness. 

He stared at the smiling picture of her at the front of the church. Surrounded by flowers of all colors. He loved that photo of her. The way her eyes lit up, the bright smile that was truly happy and full of joy. She was so full of life there. Saeran remembered when they took that photo. It was when they decided to take a family photo, all of the RFA, including Saeran. He recalled how pretty she looked, but most importantly, he remembered the laughter. The jokes, the smiling faces, the ease in which he felt around these people 

He finally felt like he belonged. And when she took hold of his hand as she stood between him and Saeyoung, she gave it a small squeeze and smiled. _“I told you…that you would come out stronger than before.”_ She whispered before turning around looking at the camera. 

Now it was his turn. And as he stood, he took out the shoe that was left in the flames. He was able to get it from the police, saying that it was important to him to have. He tried his best to clean it up. Trying to get rid of the ash and soot. Some of the colors were burned off but the one prominent thing that stood against that ugly shoe was the 707 patch. The one thing to truly identify and tell them that she was gone. He stared at the yellow and black pattern before setting it down. This was the last thing she left on this earth, an ugly shoe that she got as a birthday gift from his brother. 

Something that didn’t look like it belonged to her and yet she clung onto it, she treasured it. He recalled the times he saw her cleaning the shoes and telling her why she cared so much for those shoes and she simply smiled and told him: A gift made with love is priceless. 

He stared at the shoe and felt the tears that fell from his cheek and on top of the leather top of the single shoe. Before he looked at the picture of her, the smiling face that never seemed to falter, that never stopped being a light and symbol of true happiness. His angel basked in sunlight, kissed by sunbeams. “Don’t go running around with only one shoe…You’ll look like an idiot…But I guess these shoes will show what a fool you were. A foolish girl that loved too much and too easily…”He whispered softly and wiped his tears with the back of his sleeve. “This shoe needs his twin…so make sure they aren’t separated. Twins can’t survive well without the other. I think you know that from personal experience….but…” 

Looking back, he saw his brother trying his best to stay strong for her. He saw Saeyoung’s bloodshot eyes staring at the picture, his lower lip quivering as he tried to hold back the screams he was sure his older brother was holding back. His brother needed him. He needed to stay strong for Saeyoung. He owed him this much. He owed her this much. He was positive that she wouldn’t rest easy knowing that she had left them so suddenly. That’s what he wanted for her, to find peace. 

“I’ll take care of him, Mina….I’ll make sure….I won’t leave him…so you can rest easy…You were always an angel….I just wish you never became a real one so soon.” A guardian angel, that’s what she always was to them. Someone that was there with a hand outstretched, ready to save them from the pits of their own darkness. Maybe god was kind enough to send her to them. To mend the damaged pieces of their heart. To save them from the darkness that overwhelmed them. Maybe he didn’t expect them to fall in love with his angel. Maybe that was why he had to take her back. 

“I’ll….I’ll watch over him…I’ll watch over him so all you have to do is wait and watch over us. Okay? We won’t…I’ll be strong…I’ll be strong for him…and for you…I promise…”

**Author's Note:**

> And I've returned to this series after several months! Really what motivated me was all the beautiful fanart that I've been seeing on twitter and the webtoon (which I haven't read yet.) I never actually had this part planned out until a few days ago... but I kept listening to some really sad songs (Ghostin by Ariana Grande to be specific.) And was inspired to write this this piece for Saeran.. I might have cried a lot while writing it. LOL. God..I'm not ready or emotionally stable enough to write Saeyoung....and you know...the rest of this series because I already have some parts outlined from when I first started it and....It's gonna be a rough ride. 
> 
> Let me know what you thought through the comments! How you thought about all of this and if you're still out there reading this tragic series...I honestly...sometimes I reread my writing because I need a good cry. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed / cried / felt sad because of me?  
> Find me on twitter @bledstars


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